To Hell With The Process.
09/13/2005
The Saturday dinner is the highlight of any country weekend and I always dread this traditional ritual as it almost always ends in tears. The signs are hopeful, as our girls have invited a number of quite reasonable contemporaries and they decide to inhabit the East stair apartments, however this leaves even more room for dearest Dottie to invite makeweights. I am allowed Harry Plimpton-Peters and General Denis Carnforth, but the rest are completely unknown to me although they constantly shake me by the hand and earnestly confide the most ghastly secrets of their private lives. One of Dottie’s more enlighten choices is Lord Watson who is to be sentenced for wilful fire raising within a couple of weeks, I must keep a close eye on this nincompoop as I am sure our insurers would have a field day if they knew this fool was in residence. At 7.30 and in full highland dress, I foregather with Harry and Denis to plan our evening, over a couple of Hendrick’s stiffeners we agree to avoid key topics and words, the phrase “The Process” seems top of the list. At 8.00 guests arrive in the Long Gallery where Lachie plies them with Tesco’s gin, unbelievably Watson appears in a lounge suit and one of Dottie’s lame ducks in black tie, don’t they know that the lack of a white tie will forever deny them a further invitation? Lachie sees me quivering and keeps the glass topped up. Mhairi beats the gong for dinner and I find a delightful young thing on my right. Horror of horrors it transpires that she works for SNH and within moments, she is gabbing on about the difficulty with “The process of implementing the European Water Abstraction Directive”. Saints preserve us! I have to excuse myself and retire to the library where I find Harry and Denis already tucking into a cold collation supplied by Mhairi, as they like me, cannot stand the dress, manners or the boring rubbish issuing from Dottie’s chosen “modern” guests. How are the mighty traditions of the weekend fallen? Roll on Monday, yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.