MacSwede And His Stones

08/05/2005

I have to report the visit of another un-informed researcher who barged their way past Mhairi and into my study. This young lady introduced herself has Fiona from Forres and was most inappropriately dressed in high heels and an even higher skirt, had she never heard of midges? Fiona claimed to be researching the “Clach Dubh” or Black Rock that is perched precariously some 2000 feet above the Tower of Glen Trollaigh, she forcibly presented the historical claim of the MacPhees to the stone itself. I am, of course, well aware of the MacPhee claim to the Clach Dubh and they are welcome to it, and in fact they can add it to their collection of several other stones, I can think of at least one on Colonsay. The Colonsay MacPhee’s stone was a cow’s arse scratcher for eons; however, a senior MacPhee, rather bizarrely from Sweden claimed that some historic MacPhee was tied to the stone and murdered in 15canteen. The MacSwede spent considerable sums to have the stone re-erected, firstly in the wrong place, secondly upside down. I suggested to Fiona from Forres that the MacSwede remove the Clach Dubh with my blessing, as apart from anything else it has health and safety implications for the proposed private viewing of Uncle Edward’s collection of erotica. Fiona’s view, however, is that under the terms of the land reform act, and as a land manager, I should be allowing unlimited access to the Clach Dubh with associated car parking and safely maintained footpaths, naturally visiting MacPhees would have the use of the private toilets within the Tower of Glen Trollaigh. The first crack of my bull-whip had Fiona scurrying back to Forres aboard her bright yellow Citroen C5, I bloody ask you! One reason why I do not want too close an inspection of the Clach Dubh by any MacPhee, is that a large percentage of the stone was split to create the dazzling black and white floor in the bathroom on the East staircase. Perhaps we could re-name this apartment the MacPhee bathroom, better still we can lock the bastards in there when they come for a pee. Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.