Channel 4 News

08/16/2005

The past two days have delivered a long delayed visit to Mr Crawford the dentist and the error of watching the Channel 4 7’o’clock news. I am not entirely sure which was the most uncomfortable. The Channel 4 news used to be refreshing and independent, however, to-day it stooped to base tabloid stuff. With much nonsense about the Israeli settlers who have defied the UN for thirty years and are now to receive $500,000 per skull from the US treasury to shift back to whence they came, still complaining bitterly that they are being unjustly persecuted. What bollocks, they may have suffered in European history, but Israel has received levels of support since the forties, far beyond any other nation and it is time they got on in the real world. The other matter covered by Channel 4 was the leaking of info about the illegal alien with a fake passport who was gunned down by the Met the day after the last lot of terrorist attacks in London. Yes, a mistake was made and that is unfortunate and one must sympathise with the victim’s family, but in reality he should have been picked up and shipped back to Brazil or wherever a couple of years ago. There is going to be a huge fuss and furore about this and doubtless, many piles of wonga will be paid in compensation, to say nothing of the gent’s relations being granted citizenship and the access to mega financial benefits that follow when you sit on your fat backside in the U.K. Surely, this is not the treatment that the families of the 50 odd blasted bomb victims will receive. I in my turn receive a frosty deputation at coffee time from dearest Dottie, daughters numbers one, two and Mhairi about the murder of furry seals. This is very rich as I am constantly reminded of my responsibility to dispatch furry animals from rats to rabbits and mice to mink about the policies. In a rehearsed statement, Mhairi also tells me that in future she will not boil shellfish alive. I cannot see this one running as sooner or later, a guest will suffer Delhi-Belly, and any other cooking method renders crustaceans muddy in the extreme, which will not be tolerated my Dottie, but I shall nod politely and hold my own counsel. Wait until they all get the option of a new seal pup handbag! Cheers, Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.

PS. The shooting of seals will continue in Loch Trolliagh despite various comments on this diary from Dinsdale and his wets. But I should correct an error and point out that the seals were dopey and not the illusive “Dopy” which I will photograph before dispatch in future. Trollaigh.