Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Heat Wave.

07/05/2006

A few messages have reached me about my claim that Great Britain is one race. One gloating Trotskyite MSP claiming to my face that, “I should put more water in it” when I know that my scribbles will be read by a good cross section of society. I stand by my claim that we are all one race, we are British Citizens; fair enough, there may be a few different skin tones and creeds, however we all carry the same red passport, and abide by the same legal system and accept the Monarchy. Where we differ is in Nationhood, for it is easy to claim that Scotland, England et all are different Nations. This argument, as old as time, is a little wasted as it now appears that the sundry attacks on the English football support in Scotland have all been engineered directly by the media, or by those who never miss an opportunity to hitch their wagon to any media coverage. My own straw poll of shoppers in the Oban Tesco (discounting the many hoorays’ loading up with expensive treats, en route to their island retreats) clearly shows that whilst most jocks were secretly pleased to see the English team of millionaires knocked out of the World Cup. The self same jocks would have gladly stood to attention and sung “God Save The Queen” if the English team had knocked out all the foreign Johnnies and brought back the cup.

Here in glorious Glen Trollaigh, the temperature rises to 27 degrees and the khaki shorts stay firmly in place despite the attentions of clegs that die in the pursuit of some of the Baron’s blue tinged blood. The old Tower of Glen Trollaigh fairly creaks as the temperature rises, but what a glorious summer interlude, dawn breaks at 4.00am and blue skies stay with us until 11.00pm. We engineer a cooling breeze through the Tower by utilising the system of doors and windows designed by the 16th Baron, which beats any air conditioning system by almost a century. The meadows around the Tower of Glentrollaigh are waist high with good mixed flowers, herbs, grasses, and our stocks doze whilst stags and hinds grow brazen in their approach close to the garden. Although the deer must one day be controlled and culled, I cannot help but creep up to the roof and watch them in the parks, the stag’s antlers magnificent, and the hinds hiding their calves in the long grass. Only the fishermen wring their hands as the River Trollaigh sinks to a trickle, however, I feel sure that a few days may see a great change and hopefully our lines and knots may be tested once more, err long. Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Support For England

07/03/2006

Whilst sweltering in 25 degrees and wearing comfortable khaki shorts, surveying some of the rough grass that is due to be topped, news comes to Glen Trollaigh via number one daughter’s mobile phone from Wimbledon’s centre court that Andy Murray has been whipped by some dago in the last sixteen. I suffer a bit of a reality check, as in this fantastic weather I really could not give a toss about Wimbledon. It must have been when girls stopped wearing tennis dresses that I lost interest, but now that major stars wear their hats on back to front and conduct their post match interviews in a tongue that cannot be heard or understood, I fail to grasp what it is all about. As for the ghastly grunting and whinging that accompanies every shot, I am glad to be out of it.

I am worried by the headlines that shout out “Racism” when some red and white clad chap is knocked over outside a Stonehaven pub.  In the unlikely event that this is anything more than a drunken assault, at the very most it may be “Nationalism”, for despite our multicultural society, I am certain that even President Blair looks on Great Britain as one race. While the police chiefs jostle for media position and weak and corrupt politicians wring their hands, it would be well to remember that absolutely any violence connected to football is “Hooliganism”. Which we have a raft of laws and regulations to control, let us all hope that our Mickey Mouse police force can summon the balls to do something about hooliganism, together with all forms of violence. Against which they seem to be protecting themselves rather than any law abiding citizen, let us hope that even more legislation will not restrict our liberties and that the law will come down hard on all criminals.

Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.