Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Channel 4 News
08/16/2005
The past two days have delivered a long delayed visit to Mr Crawford the dentist and the error of watching the Channel 4 7’o’clock news. I am not entirely sure which was the most uncomfortable. The Channel 4 news used to be refreshing and independent, however, to-day it stooped to base tabloid stuff. With much nonsense about the Israeli settlers who have defied the UN for thirty years and are now to receive $500,000 per skull from the US treasury to shift back to whence they came, still complaining bitterly that they are being unjustly persecuted. What bollocks, they may have suffered in European history, but Israel has received levels of support since the forties, far beyond any other nation and it is time they got on in the real world. The other matter covered by Channel 4 was the leaking of info about the illegal alien with a fake passport who was gunned down by the Met the day after the last lot of terrorist attacks in London. Yes, a mistake was made and that is unfortunate and one must sympathise with the victim’s family, but in reality he should have been picked up and shipped back to Brazil or wherever a couple of years ago. There is going to be a huge fuss and furore about this and doubtless, many piles of wonga will be paid in compensation, to say nothing of the gent’s relations being granted citizenship and the access to mega financial benefits that follow when you sit on your fat backside in the U.K. Surely, this is not the treatment that the families of the 50 odd blasted bomb victims will receive. I in my turn receive a frosty deputation at coffee time from dearest Dottie, daughters numbers one, two and Mhairi about the murder of furry seals. This is very rich as I am constantly reminded of my responsibility to dispatch furry animals from rats to rabbits and mice to mink about the policies. In a rehearsed statement, Mhairi also tells me that in future she will not boil shellfish alive. I cannot see this one running as sooner or later, a guest will suffer Delhi-Belly, and any other cooking method renders crustaceans muddy in the extreme, which will not be tolerated my Dottie, but I shall nod politely and hold my own counsel. Wait until they all get the option of a new seal pup handbag! Cheers, Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.
PS. The shooting of seals will continue in Loch Trolliagh despite various comments on this diary from Dinsdale and his wets. But I should correct an error and point out that the seals were dopey and not the illusive “Dopy” which I will photograph before dispatch in future. Trollaigh.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Failed Cunard Stewards
08/13/2005
There is nothing quite so satisfying to an old Tory reactionary than the sight of the lower orders making a complete bog of things. I certainly mean no disrespect to dear Robin Cook, but the performance of the hoi polloi at his funeral beggars’ belief. One does not stand up to President Blair and expect to be forgiven, even in death. However, the sight on the right front row of that ignorant, sacked Cunard steward, Two Jags and his drag queen partner, then on the left the chilling peroxide second spouse, bizarrely supported by Robin’s natural sons seems almost too much to bear. Nevertheless, there is more to come as Boring Brown delivers the slackest eulogy, followed by Mckridick’s denunciation of President Blair for snorkelling in the sun while all this tripe is going on. One yearns for the Conservative days when any old politico’s funeral would be attended by a few Windsors, with peace, correct dress sense and respect all round. No wonder that our cities are populated by dodgers of every order with zimmers, pushchairs and appalling diets, when their role models are such complete and utter prats. Dear Robin, if these were a cross section of your chums, you are well out of it. Of course, it’s the twelfth of August and every glen is alive to the fusillade of gunfire. Glen Trollaigh has not much to get excited about, but we manage a fair walk-up shoot. The Mauser slips its bag to dispatch a pair of dopy grey seals at the loch mouth, although technically protected, these Atlantic rats are predating my finest Salmon, and so are fair game as far as I am concerned. Wet weather will clear tomorrow, which is a Sunday when shots cannot be fired, however, hopefully Lachie will organise plenty of carnage for next week. Cheers, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.