Friday, August 05, 2005
MacSwede And His Stones
08/05/2005
I have to report the visit of another un-informed researcher who barged their way past Mhairi and into my study. This young lady introduced herself has Fiona from Forres and was most inappropriately dressed in high heels and an even higher skirt, had she never heard of midges? Fiona claimed to be researching the “Clach Dubh” or Black Rock that is perched precariously some 2000 feet above the Tower of Glen Trollaigh, she forcibly presented the historical claim of the MacPhees to the stone itself. I am, of course, well aware of the MacPhee claim to the Clach Dubh and they are welcome to it, and in fact they can add it to their collection of several other stones, I can think of at least one on Colonsay. The Colonsay MacPhee’s stone was a cow’s arse scratcher for eons; however, a senior MacPhee, rather bizarrely from Sweden claimed that some historic MacPhee was tied to the stone and murdered in 15canteen. The MacSwede spent considerable sums to have the stone re-erected, firstly in the wrong place, secondly upside down. I suggested to Fiona from Forres that the MacSwede remove the Clach Dubh with my blessing, as apart from anything else it has health and safety implications for the proposed private viewing of Uncle Edward’s collection of erotica. Fiona’s view, however, is that under the terms of the land reform act, and as a land manager, I should be allowing unlimited access to the Clach Dubh with associated car parking and safely maintained footpaths, naturally visiting MacPhees would have the use of the private toilets within the Tower of Glen Trollaigh. The first crack of my bull-whip had Fiona scurrying back to Forres aboard her bright yellow Citroen C5, I bloody ask you! One reason why I do not want too close an inspection of the Clach Dubh by any MacPhee, is that a large percentage of the stone was split to create the dazzling black and white floor in the bathroom on the East staircase. Perhaps we could re-name this apartment the MacPhee bathroom, better still we can lock the bastards in there when they come for a pee. Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Road Closures
08/03/2005
After fourteen dry days, the weather breaks a bit with stronger, cooler southwesterlies that bring some sharp showers. The burns hardly rise above a trickle however more rain is forecast towards the end of the week as we slip into the familiar pattern of depressions queuing up in the Atlantic. I am deliberately avoiding newspapers because we only seem to be getting bad news, apart from the prima donnas at Celtic FC getting whipped out of Europe at the first hurdle and the fact that the footsie seems to be climbing, good knows why, there must be a conspiracy somewhere. I have managed to beard my MSP about our being disadvantaged by the lack of Broadband services in most rural areas and I must keep pursuing this. Other niggles this week have been the determination of the Strathclyde Gestapo to close any trunk road for hours when some punter falls off his or her bike. This is getting beyond a joke, on Sunday the road was closed at Dunstaffnage for three hours or more and I had to take to the fields to get round it, then on Monday, the A82 was closed for ten hours following a fatality at what appears to be a new Disney World roundabout at Balloch. I had to detour by Helensburgh, not in itself a great inconvenience, except that there was a hour long tail back at two sets of unmanned traffic lights at Cardross, a couple of bobbies with walkie talkies would have kept traffic flowing here, but not a bloody bit of effort made, what is the world coming to. I will also keep you posted on the Disney World roundabout as the Over Class appear to be spending mega money on some sort of sculpture at this accident black-spot, which will only make things considerably worse. Two Daughters are due to arrive this coming weekend for their summer hols, without boyfriends for a week or so, a great relieve to me. All inhabitants of the Tower of Glen Trollaigh are actively engaged in party planning, I am steering well clear of this minefield, any spare time being spent in the garden. Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh. P.S. to Old Salty Seaman, have you the faintest idea of the heavy responsibiliy upon my shoulders as the 32nd most senior peer in Scotland? I have hundreds of years of history to support, not to mention a crumbling edifice and a demanding international clan of kith and kin. Any visit to the Tower of Glen Trollaigh will show you the dedication with which we Trollaighs bear our burden above and far beyond the call of duty. A concept that I fear you and your ilk are unable to grasp. A.T.