Thursday, July 21, 2005
Expensive Flies
07/21/2005
Two days of showers have freshened the River Trollaigh, despite much pressing business the temptation to grab Lachie and nip up to the headwaters is irresistible. A few casts with an expensive new fly purchased at Scone and I am into a fresh 10lb salmon. A baronial battle ensues and to cut a very long story of skill and cunning short, it will be Salmon Hollandaise all round. This success surprised me for two reasons; firstly, any expensive new fly is inclined to be hooked in a tree within two minutes of the first cast. Secondly, judging by the number of old camp fires as we climbed up the river, my fishery has been receiving considerable unsolicited assistance. We used to be allowed to set mantraps at night for these buggers, but this ancient right does not seem to be enshrined in the bolliffic Blairite Countryside Access Code, more is the pity. It will take at least a week to get some normality into our regime at the Tower of Glen Trollaigh, but we are scratching the surface even getting a stripy finish on the sacred lawn, although much of the BOGIE inspired banking has grass as high as the proverbial Elephant’s eye. On updating this diary, I discovered that it had attracted 42 comments from some arsehole called Sher, trying to sell mortgages to the Trollaighs. I wondered at first if it was Cher, that 60’s witch; however, it appears to be some overweight Muslim banker. Mr Sher’s comments have been removed and a threat of legal action despatched. Amongst other messages was one from my old friend “Salty Dog” or some such, commenting on An Lochran. This brings to mind the reporting of another art exhibition comments book. In the current Botechelli Venus Surfing show in London, amongst the pages overflowing with sycophantic garbage, the immortal phrase “nice tits” is writ large. Thank the Christian Lord that there are a few individuals left to express their opinions. Dearest Dotty has appeared proffering an Ardbeg if I stop writing now and adjourn to the Garden Room to enjoy a cool and midge free dusk, such an offer, Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Back In The Glen At Last
07/20/2005
Exhausted, I haul myself into the Great Bed of Trollaigh at 4.00 am after a demanding sixteen-day UK tour, the whole experience has been akin to the darkest days of naval ocean duty, only worse. My error has been to let all our staff go for a fortnight’s leave so that we have returned to a garden jungle, half a ton of post and even having filtered off the scum of e mails, 58 remain, it has all been a bit much for me, future tours must be taken at a more sensible pace. All our visits were hugely successful meeting hundreds of chums in Perth, London and Oxford. The work of a celebrity is never done, our long fifteen-hour days were spent with glass or cup in hand chatting so much that my voice has become a faint croak. Highlights must include the Frogs failing to host the Olympics with double ouefs on Chirac’s face, followed by the greatly amusing time I spent wrestling with Aide de Camp to exercise the right granted to all Trollaighs to wear their hats in the presence of Royalty. This occurred when I was presented to the charming Princess Royal at Hampton Court, we chatted for a momment, discussing sailing on the West Coast, the Princess was savvy enough to recognise that I was quite correct to keep my solar pith helmet firmly on my head, even if her entourage were purple with rage, these young whipper-snappers must do their homework. The absolute low point must be the suicide bombings in London, now tagged 07/07. The races to blame are Pakistani and Saudi, the immediate reaction is to cage anyone with an Afghan shirt, pantaloons and a cow pat hat. Rage and revenge are all very natural, but we must reflect on the fact that this is the price we pay for our freedoms, but what a price! These people have no aim other than to kill all unbelievers, there are no demands and to concede anything is futile, my only thought might be that, whilst accepting religious and cultural freedom, we must enforce the U.K. legal system particularly that sedition is a criminal offence. Now we have travelled the length of the country, seeing the lush lands of, as well as, the hyperactive urban England, and I must say that despite our bleak and harsh landscape in Glen Trollaigh, and despite our busy days ahead, I am bloody glad to be home! I broach the Young Ardbeg and salute you all, cheers, Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.